Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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