By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
