im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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