For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
