either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
