you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
