your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
