if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
