I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
