So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
