M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was born a porn star she said
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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