I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wear drunk well.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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