Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
