You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
