So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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