I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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