I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize