thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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