We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
