my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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