clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
