Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
