we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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