I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
