You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
