the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
