can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
