you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
