um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
