As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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