1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
