id be glad to
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
