If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
