My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
why is half of my head shaved?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
