This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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