The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
