Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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