I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
