; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
