Do you still have your period?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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