This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
