I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
