i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
