i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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