Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
