Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
