"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
