i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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