I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you made out with another girl for some wings
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
