and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
