They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My dick has a subreddit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
