I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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