And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
