did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
