so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
