mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
