Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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