So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
