i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
