I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
