i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
