You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
