Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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