I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
