my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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