My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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