Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
