I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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