I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
